wow, i know.....
When i say a lot has been going on...i mean A LOT! but i feel like I stated that in my last post or the one before. This post is about 2/3 weeks worth all in one plus I shared some heart things at the end. long post.
I am in a really interesting time in my relationship with the Lord. Learning from Him but not currently being used by Him to write anything to you. A lot of conversations just for He and I. I have no idea why but I continue to seek Him despite the heavy feeling of being "ordinary". You know the feeling.......when, as a believer, you have been set apart and called to bring our Maker great Glory and yet you are hearing very little from Him. If I am not careful I can begin to feel really ordinary instead of extraordinary. And i realize i just sounded like a commercial. ha! But it's true. Being used by God in different ways is what gets my heart beating, keeps me open and alert, keeps my heart soft and my discernment sharp.
But I am in a season of some silence and a week from now I think i will look back and thank Him since there have been so many busy events lately. But I must confess that I am having to work twice as hard to yield to Father and not let my feelings of "ordinary" turn in to laziness and self pity. Anyway, all that to say that I haven't blogged because God hasn't spoken. Enough said.
I do have the "go" on getting these pics up although my computer is satan and keeps shutting down on me ha! if you get to the end of this post and it's just pics and not words......you will know that i just hit post because it was to hard to fight the computer/satan fight.
Big things are happening in the next few weeks...thanksgiving, cousin Ashley's wedding, Christmas, and I am about 5 weeks away from jumping on a plane for Israel! So let me tell you what I have been up to lately......
the last time we talked I shared that we would be Memphis bound for a shower honoring my youngest cousin, Ashley!
I took that friday off and drove up with Mom and Dad! We got up that morning at 4.30....yikes. long day! But we were able to get to Aunt Chris' house and get things set up for the next afternoon! Her is Ashley with her two Aunts...also the Hostesses!
our cousin Melissa could not be at the shower but she made some really cute letters and frames for us to decorate with! Thanks Melissa!
hallway to the kitchen
where we had a table just for the coffee! which was soooo perfect because it was a super cold day! We used all Mom and Aunt Chris' china and silver!
I did a little painting for the table.....from the Book of Ruth...I could write a book to you about those verses. Especially the part I painted below.
Saying "i love you" or having the person you are marrying say "i love you" is wonderful BUT.......for me.......there is something way deeper and extremely intimate about someone looking at you and saying "where you go, I will go". Again, for me, it speaks far greater to my heart to say or hear those words. I think it's because the "go" could be anywhere. It could involve God calling us anywhere to do anything. It's stating to the one you love that you have set you mind BEFOREHAND to yield your own desires to that of God's. I'm not married nor have I ever really been in love, but I think at this stage in my life hearing those words are a far greater declaration of true love than "i love you".
ok back to the shower...here are pics below of the decorations and food!
petit fours......YUMMMMMMMMM
AMAZING PAULA DEEN cheese straws....
made by my mom!!!!!!!!!! The shower day was also her birthday! Didn't she look so pretty??? oh yes! you still got it girl! hahahha~
nuts
strawberries
and then a fruit tray with Chocolate covered strawberries that mom made!!!! YUM!!!!!
sweet mercy!
mom making the punch
Uncle Scott had the fire going so we would stay warm!
pics of Andrew and Ashley
Ashley with her Mother and Grandmother!!!!!
heart this picture! but i really need a haircut!!!!! like bad. yikes
me and the birthday girl!
Andrew's mom came with a great big group of people! It was so fun to meet them! They were a livily group which is perfect for a shower!!
Ashley and her little cousin......also an excellent helper!
AUNT GRETA!~~~~~~~~ i love that i caught you being funny!!!!
she got lots of presents!
She is such a beauty! Inside and out!
Ashley with a place setting! LOVE LOVE LOVE her dishes!...ps she will be living in Tyler which is super close to me! so excited!
when everyone left we came back in and discussed all that had happened! Then we looked at the gifts again!
painting i made for them.
Aunt Greta looking BEAUTIFUL!!!
Lauren, me, Ashley.....mom caught snacking in the background hahaha
Aunt Chris and I chilling out........we were so tired!!!!!!
Later that night it was time to head out to Uncle Ken and Aunt Greta's house to celebrate...
My camera acted really weird on this trip. I took a lot of pics but many did not show up on my card........I only have a few from the party!
Mike and Dad
Lauren
looking through melissa's wedding pictures. Uncle Ken smoked the BEST PORK BBQ i have ever had! They had all the fixins and man it was a great meal!
They got mom her favorite ice cream cake!!! she was thrilled! It has been MANY MANY years since she has celebrated her birthday with her whole family. Usually just Daddy Bob comes to texas so this was a special treat!
making a wish and blowing out the candles!
we got up the next morning a drove the 8 hours home....9 for me. YIKES!!!!!!!! Hard HARD HARD trip to make in just a weekend. Wears you out but it was a blast!
I was saved from total exhaustion with a trip to the Texas Art Teachers conference in Austin. We got back from Memphis on Sunday and I was back on the road Thursday. Missing two more days of school was heavenly!
Here is mom in her cute red pj's Wed night. She is playing on her iphone.....she is addicted ha!
we got up Thursday and hit the road. I was really excited to get some one on one time with my mom. Bless her heart....i was carrying a heavy/stressed/Israel money worried heart around. But she was so wonderful to help me trust that everything is ok and in place! Thanks MOM for letting me break down! I was so relieved to get it all off my chest!
we did some shopping at the awesome outlet mall in Round Rock then we headed downtown to check into our hotel. We stayed at the Embassy Suites just across the river!!! It was so nice, food amazing and great snacks in the evening!!!!
once we checked in we walked to the Convention center so that we could pick up all my art conf info!
we had the best time exploring!!!
We came back to the hotel and rested for a bit. Then headed over to the Hyatt for some amazing fijitas!!!!! We have gone there since I was little! Their resturant has the best food!
mom loved them!
The next morning I was up super early to attend all the art classes. I really to love an art conference! I mean, we get to create the entire time and there are lots of freebies in the classes and at the expo!!!
lots to do!
When I finished my last class mom came and met me in at the conf center. We decided to walk around Austin for a little bit!
I took these pics of mom because the night before we were talking about how it's hard to say Ruth's Chris. Then mom remembered that she had read a story about the owner of Ruth's Chris in her "God Winks" book. I don't know the full title of the book but it was a great story about God's direction and provision even during lose. So we decided that we wanted to eat dinner there.
hence the pictures......then we saw the prices.....no steak from Ruth's Chris for us! ha. We then decided to go ahead and walk to the capital!
some pics inside!
I love the Texas state Capital building! so pretty! My sister actually had her Bridal Portriats taken inside! They turned out so beautiful!
ps...all my Austin pics were taken with my iphone. quality ok-ish
so we went back to our room and soaked our feet in the tub!!!!!!!! felt soooo good! We were so tired that night that we just ate at the hotel and both fell alseep on the couch! ha!
We had the best time! lots of laughing! I mean, when your mom starts the trip off saying "what happens in austin...stays in austin" bahahahahhaha you know it's gonna be fun!!!!!!!! ha! Oh she is a hoot and I loved having her with me! Mom, thank you for going with me and for helping me to get rid of stress and to laugh so loud! I love you!!!!
We headed back home on Sat but first stopped of in Round Rock to visit Dixie and George for a bit. It was good to see them. I had not seen my sister since July so it had been awhile!
Sunday after church I got all my Christmas trees and decorations up. Finished things up today as well. I am now off for a week and so very grateful to catch my breath and get some things organized.
I know this is long but if had had two things to share with you about what is going on in my heart is would be this.......
1. Is adoption God's provision for infertility or is infertility God's provision for an orphan? ............my friend Aaron retweeted this by Dave Cruver Oct 2 and I CAN NOT GET IT OUT OF MY MIND.... i mean, CAN'T GET IT OUT. I have spent hours recently doing word studies on words/feelings that would revolve around adoption/being adopted/being an orphan. when I say I am blown away by this statement I mean my head exploding in a million pieces! I can't help but think "what if, as believers (male and female/ before marriage), we determined in our hearts that no matter what God decided to do, with our ability to have children, that we would adopt! point blank. At some point we would adopt. So no matter fertility or infertility issues...we would adopt. What if????? I can't stop thinking about it. I am no where near marriage and currently have zero prospects....BUT I have great faith in what is to come. What if I make the choice, NOW, to set my heart toward adoption....what if? Choosing not to look at it as an alternative or second choice of action but a calling to help fufill the Gospel as a believer. Having a baby from my own body is a blessing but so is that child I am already praying for, to be mine in the future, from somewhere in the world! ...."Is adoption God's provision for infertility or is infertility God's provision for an orphan"
just thinking out loud here. Not an expert...just trying to sort this all out. thoughts???? email me.
2. because of the words I have been studying like "rejected, redeemed, determined, abandonded, restored, forgotten, forsaken, secure, willing, overflow"...my heart has been super tender with some songs and verses lately. Like the beautiful Hymn "Jesus Paid it all". One of my favorites. These are not in order.
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots,
And melt the heart of stone......Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe; Sin had left a crimson stain; He washed it white as snow.
I hear the Savior say,
"Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all."...Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe; Sin had left a crimson stain; He washed it white as snow.
another song that hit me right in the face this week was a song called Heaven on Earth by Darlene Zschech. I feel like this is an older song but not sure. Anyway, I was in class showing a student how to draw a city using 2 vanishing points. I'm talking away and stop dead in my tracks when I hear her sing this....
Whom You set free is free indeed
I've got the strength of my God in me
Well, You restored my dignity
Oh, completely, You love me
If they only knew how You've mended
My broken wings, now I'm flying................
"you restored my dignity".....I almost started crying right there in class. Dignity- I think we would all agree that as believers there have been times in our lives that our sin or the sins committed around us or even to us have left us with very little dignity.
dignity meaning: the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed...another definition said: beliefs that individuals have inherent, inviolable rights, and thus is closely related to concepts like virtue, respect, self-respect, autonomy, human rights, and enlightened reason. Dignity is a precondition of freedom.
I think the words above say it all. The state of being worthy. Feeling like we are worthy of _________.
When I look at these songs, these words, and that powerful quote above I can't help but feel the need to scream "if THEY ONLY KNEW who YOU MENDED my broken wings/heart/spirit/dreams...now I'm flying".....because I am free.
I'm free. My God has restored my dignity. So why would I not want to turn and set my heart/mind to be apart of the restoring dignity of someone else? "But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head." Ps 3.3
Not sure all this makes since. Maybe I spoke too soon. But all this is heavy on my heart and I am asking the Lord to use me for His glory. However that may be. He would not continue to talk with me about these issues if it was all for nothing. Am I willing to set my "dream life plan" aside for a life planned out by God for God? I want a life worth living. I have not been called to walk day in and day out as just ordinary. No. I want my dreams to also be my Father's dreams.
Lord, so much at one time. Make those words clear. I can't help but want to sing to you "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering. A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically.. And leave that kind of legacy...." I want my life to point to you long after I am in your glorious presence. Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left its crimson stain He washed it white as snow. Father, use me to help others see that they can be washed white as snow. I want my life to be used up completely by you. Show me what steps I need to take. My heart is open to you. My dreams have been set aside. Show me the way I should walk and I will walk in it! amen.
I am in a really interesting time in my relationship with the Lord. Learning from Him but not currently being used by Him to write anything to you. A lot of conversations just for He and I. I have no idea why but I continue to seek Him despite the heavy feeling of being "ordinary". You know the feeling.......when, as a believer, you have been set apart and called to bring our Maker great Glory and yet you are hearing very little from Him. If I am not careful I can begin to feel really ordinary instead of extraordinary. And i realize i just sounded like a commercial. ha! But it's true. Being used by God in different ways is what gets my heart beating, keeps me open and alert, keeps my heart soft and my discernment sharp.
But I am in a season of some silence and a week from now I think i will look back and thank Him since there have been so many busy events lately. But I must confess that I am having to work twice as hard to yield to Father and not let my feelings of "ordinary" turn in to laziness and self pity. Anyway, all that to say that I haven't blogged because God hasn't spoken. Enough said.
I do have the "go" on getting these pics up although my computer is satan and keeps shutting down on me ha! if you get to the end of this post and it's just pics and not words......you will know that i just hit post because it was to hard to fight the computer/satan fight.
Big things are happening in the next few weeks...thanksgiving, cousin Ashley's wedding, Christmas, and I am about 5 weeks away from jumping on a plane for Israel! So let me tell you what I have been up to lately......
the last time we talked I shared that we would be Memphis bound for a shower honoring my youngest cousin, Ashley!
I took that friday off and drove up with Mom and Dad! We got up that morning at 4.30....yikes. long day! But we were able to get to Aunt Chris' house and get things set up for the next afternoon! Her is Ashley with her two Aunts...also the Hostesses!
our cousin Melissa could not be at the shower but she made some really cute letters and frames for us to decorate with! Thanks Melissa!
hallway to the kitchen
where we had a table just for the coffee! which was soooo perfect because it was a super cold day! We used all Mom and Aunt Chris' china and silver!
I did a little painting for the table.....from the Book of Ruth...I could write a book to you about those verses. Especially the part I painted below.
Saying "i love you" or having the person you are marrying say "i love you" is wonderful BUT.......for me.......there is something way deeper and extremely intimate about someone looking at you and saying "where you go, I will go". Again, for me, it speaks far greater to my heart to say or hear those words. I think it's because the "go" could be anywhere. It could involve God calling us anywhere to do anything. It's stating to the one you love that you have set you mind BEFOREHAND to yield your own desires to that of God's. I'm not married nor have I ever really been in love, but I think at this stage in my life hearing those words are a far greater declaration of true love than "i love you".
ok back to the shower...here are pics below of the decorations and food!
petit fours......YUMMMMMMMMM
AMAZING PAULA DEEN cheese straws....
made by my mom!!!!!!!!!! The shower day was also her birthday! Didn't she look so pretty??? oh yes! you still got it girl! hahahha~
nuts
strawberries
and then a fruit tray with Chocolate covered strawberries that mom made!!!! YUM!!!!!
sweet mercy!
mom making the punch
Uncle Scott had the fire going so we would stay warm!
pics of Andrew and Ashley
Ashley with her Mother and Grandmother!!!!!
heart this picture! but i really need a haircut!!!!! like bad. yikes
me and the birthday girl!
Andrew's mom came with a great big group of people! It was so fun to meet them! They were a livily group which is perfect for a shower!!
Ashley and her little cousin......also an excellent helper!
AUNT GRETA!~~~~~~~~ i love that i caught you being funny!!!!
she got lots of presents!
She is such a beauty! Inside and out!
Ashley with a place setting! LOVE LOVE LOVE her dishes!...ps she will be living in Tyler which is super close to me! so excited!
when everyone left we came back in and discussed all that had happened! Then we looked at the gifts again!
painting i made for them.
Aunt Greta looking BEAUTIFUL!!!
Lauren, me, Ashley.....mom caught snacking in the background hahaha
Aunt Chris and I chilling out........we were so tired!!!!!!
Later that night it was time to head out to Uncle Ken and Aunt Greta's house to celebrate...
My camera acted really weird on this trip. I took a lot of pics but many did not show up on my card........I only have a few from the party!
Mike and Dad
Lauren
looking through melissa's wedding pictures. Uncle Ken smoked the BEST PORK BBQ i have ever had! They had all the fixins and man it was a great meal!
They got mom her favorite ice cream cake!!! she was thrilled! It has been MANY MANY years since she has celebrated her birthday with her whole family. Usually just Daddy Bob comes to texas so this was a special treat!
making a wish and blowing out the candles!
we got up the next morning a drove the 8 hours home....9 for me. YIKES!!!!!!!! Hard HARD HARD trip to make in just a weekend. Wears you out but it was a blast!
I was saved from total exhaustion with a trip to the Texas Art Teachers conference in Austin. We got back from Memphis on Sunday and I was back on the road Thursday. Missing two more days of school was heavenly!
Here is mom in her cute red pj's Wed night. She is playing on her iphone.....she is addicted ha!
we got up Thursday and hit the road. I was really excited to get some one on one time with my mom. Bless her heart....i was carrying a heavy/stressed/Israel money worried heart around. But she was so wonderful to help me trust that everything is ok and in place! Thanks MOM for letting me break down! I was so relieved to get it all off my chest!
we did some shopping at the awesome outlet mall in Round Rock then we headed downtown to check into our hotel. We stayed at the Embassy Suites just across the river!!! It was so nice, food amazing and great snacks in the evening!!!!
once we checked in we walked to the Convention center so that we could pick up all my art conf info!
we had the best time exploring!!!
We came back to the hotel and rested for a bit. Then headed over to the Hyatt for some amazing fijitas!!!!! We have gone there since I was little! Their resturant has the best food!
mom loved them!
The next morning I was up super early to attend all the art classes. I really to love an art conference! I mean, we get to create the entire time and there are lots of freebies in the classes and at the expo!!!
lots to do!
When I finished my last class mom came and met me in at the conf center. We decided to walk around Austin for a little bit!
I took these pics of mom because the night before we were talking about how it's hard to say Ruth's Chris. Then mom remembered that she had read a story about the owner of Ruth's Chris in her "God Winks" book. I don't know the full title of the book but it was a great story about God's direction and provision even during lose. So we decided that we wanted to eat dinner there.
hence the pictures......then we saw the prices.....no steak from Ruth's Chris for us! ha. We then decided to go ahead and walk to the capital!
some pics inside!
I love the Texas state Capital building! so pretty! My sister actually had her Bridal Portriats taken inside! They turned out so beautiful!
ps...all my Austin pics were taken with my iphone. quality ok-ish
we had planned to walk to the capital in our running shoes and not boots and dress shoes. When mom took this pic of me we were both dying from being on our feet for HOURS! yikes!
so we went back to our room and soaked our feet in the tub!!!!!!!! felt soooo good! We were so tired that night that we just ate at the hotel and both fell alseep on the couch! ha!
We had the best time! lots of laughing! I mean, when your mom starts the trip off saying "what happens in austin...stays in austin" bahahahahhaha you know it's gonna be fun!!!!!!!! ha! Oh she is a hoot and I loved having her with me! Mom, thank you for going with me and for helping me to get rid of stress and to laugh so loud! I love you!!!!
We headed back home on Sat but first stopped of in Round Rock to visit Dixie and George for a bit. It was good to see them. I had not seen my sister since July so it had been awhile!
Sunday after church I got all my Christmas trees and decorations up. Finished things up today as well. I am now off for a week and so very grateful to catch my breath and get some things organized.
I know this is long but if had had two things to share with you about what is going on in my heart is would be this.......
1. Is adoption God's provision for infertility or is infertility God's provision for an orphan? ............my friend Aaron retweeted this by Dave Cruver Oct 2 and I CAN NOT GET IT OUT OF MY MIND.... i mean, CAN'T GET IT OUT. I have spent hours recently doing word studies on words/feelings that would revolve around adoption/being adopted/being an orphan. when I say I am blown away by this statement I mean my head exploding in a million pieces! I can't help but think "what if, as believers (male and female/ before marriage), we determined in our hearts that no matter what God decided to do, with our ability to have children, that we would adopt! point blank. At some point we would adopt. So no matter fertility or infertility issues...we would adopt. What if????? I can't stop thinking about it. I am no where near marriage and currently have zero prospects....BUT I have great faith in what is to come. What if I make the choice, NOW, to set my heart toward adoption....what if? Choosing not to look at it as an alternative or second choice of action but a calling to help fufill the Gospel as a believer. Having a baby from my own body is a blessing but so is that child I am already praying for, to be mine in the future, from somewhere in the world! ...."Is adoption God's provision for infertility or is infertility God's provision for an orphan"
just thinking out loud here. Not an expert...just trying to sort this all out. thoughts???? email me.
2. because of the words I have been studying like "rejected, redeemed, determined, abandonded, restored, forgotten, forsaken, secure, willing, overflow"...my heart has been super tender with some songs and verses lately. Like the beautiful Hymn "Jesus Paid it all". One of my favorites. These are not in order.
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots,
And melt the heart of stone......Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe; Sin had left a crimson stain; He washed it white as snow.
I hear the Savior say,
"Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all."...Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe; Sin had left a crimson stain; He washed it white as snow.
another song that hit me right in the face this week was a song called Heaven on Earth by Darlene Zschech. I feel like this is an older song but not sure. Anyway, I was in class showing a student how to draw a city using 2 vanishing points. I'm talking away and stop dead in my tracks when I hear her sing this....
Whom You set free is free indeed
I've got the strength of my God in me
Well, You restored my dignity
Oh, completely, You love me
If they only knew how You've mended
My broken wings, now I'm flying................
"you restored my dignity".....I almost started crying right there in class. Dignity- I think we would all agree that as believers there have been times in our lives that our sin or the sins committed around us or even to us have left us with very little dignity.
dignity meaning: the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed...another definition said: beliefs that individuals have inherent, inviolable rights, and thus is closely related to concepts like virtue, respect, self-respect, autonomy, human rights, and enlightened reason. Dignity is a precondition of freedom.
I think the words above say it all. The state of being worthy. Feeling like we are worthy of _________.
When I look at these songs, these words, and that powerful quote above I can't help but feel the need to scream "if THEY ONLY KNEW who YOU MENDED my broken wings/heart/spirit/dreams...now I'm flying".....because I am free.
I'm free. My God has restored my dignity. So why would I not want to turn and set my heart/mind to be apart of the restoring dignity of someone else? "But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head." Ps 3.3
Not sure all this makes since. Maybe I spoke too soon. But all this is heavy on my heart and I am asking the Lord to use me for His glory. However that may be. He would not continue to talk with me about these issues if it was all for nothing. Am I willing to set my "dream life plan" aside for a life planned out by God for God? I want a life worth living. I have not been called to walk day in and day out as just ordinary. No. I want my dreams to also be my Father's dreams.
Lord, so much at one time. Make those words clear. I can't help but want to sing to you "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering. A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically.. And leave that kind of legacy...." I want my life to point to you long after I am in your glorious presence. Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left its crimson stain He washed it white as snow. Father, use me to help others see that they can be washed white as snow. I want my life to be used up completely by you. Show me what steps I need to take. My heart is open to you. My dreams have been set aside. Show me the way I should walk and I will walk in it! amen.