Everlasting...
...i wrote this out last night 5/3/10...i did not have time to proof it this morning and i have no idea if it makes sense ha. sorry in advance for random thinking.
So, if you have watched my super long video from about two weeks ago then you are clear about where I am with the Lord......and the crazy adventures He likes to invite me on.
Well, I want to thank so many of you that took the time to email me words of encouragement, info about different options, and things I could get involved in. I am still responding but know that I have read each email and I am, ABOVE ALL, so gracious that you would take 24 minutes of your life to listen and watch. I love you dearly and I am so thankful that I was able to be so very transparent in front of you. So thank you so very much for your love!
But the thing about the Spirit moving in you is that you can "say it out loud" or "share it a million times" or "keep it to yourself" but that doesn't mean it goes away. If fact it sometimes just grows stronger. I told my bff Laura that I really felt like I would know more about my future after my Atlanta trip. A few things were going on prier and during and for some reason my mind was shut down in thoughts "after" Atlanta. It was like my trip would be over and I would see a new path taking me in a new direction.
But I got home....and there was no light......as in no light at all. No new path and not even a single flicker of light in front of me.
I spent all last week crazy. Tues was my first day back at school and I could hardly make it. All of the sudden I was completely disgusted in where I worked. Yes, I am so grateful for a job but my ears were now REALLY opened to all the ugly/foul language around me, disgusting behavior that that is neither reprimanded nor corrected. My senses were over the top.
I also did not sleep through the night for 8 straight days and I'm a 10 hour a night kind of girl. I was up sometime between 1-4 every night with deep, terrible jaw pain so I spent most of that time in prayer. But you must know that last week I was feeling empty in my walk with the Lord. I was tired, feeling lost, and in need of a word from Him.
Friday came and went. I was up at 6 Sat morning (due to pain) so I had hours to just sit, read the word, pray and listen. It was in that "listening" time that God began to speak.
It first started with me knowing that I needed to not go to my current home church in the town I live. It is no surprise to those around me that I have been struggling with the church for a long time for very different reasons. Nothing doctrinal or anything. So I told God "sure thing" and I would visit the Bible Church on Sunday. I went on about my business cleaning house, napping for a long time, and cooking a feast.
It was not until I layed my head on my pillow, Saturday night, that God began speaking more. It began in a list form...........touch up paint on walls, deep clean floors ( USE VINEGAR...my new love), organize laundry room so that any woman would sigh as they entered it, put away items you do not use, clean out every closet, clean out all drawers and do not hang on to a single thing that doesn't really mean anything......
Now, you realize that I had just spent the day cleaning my house. I am also NOT type A list maker nor do I EVER spend my pre-bed time thinking of things to do around the house. TOTALLY NOT MY STYLE. They just kept coming at me one by one and as fast as I was comprehending it. The Holy Spirit even told me things like "the dollar tree, go after church because they will have everything you need"!!!!!!!!!! hahahhahah crazy right.
But this list was not just about getting me organized......it was about me getting my house ready to be put on the market. I was blown away. It was the very first "something" in my future path. It was like a candle glow in the darkness around me.
I layed there repeating the list over and over. Feeling the since of great urgency and excitement. I HAD HEARD SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!! but oh my parents and friends were going to think I was CRAZY! Put my house on the market with no job or new location. WHAT??????
And then there was Noah. I have to be honest with you that repeating my cleaning duty list from the Holy Spirit seems polar opposite from what I then heard in my spirit.......
"Noah, man of patience, consistency, and obedience.....and they too thought he was crazy for doing what I asked of him, Caroline"................
is it me or have you heard the Lord speak your name to your soul before? I cry every time. anyway, it all just began to make sense. I was not alone in this. Those that have gone before me know what it is like to be asked to do something that others do not understand. I started to cry.....because I wanted to be a Noah. I want to be a woman that others say "she did not have a clue what was in store for her nor did she back away from the unknown. She was a woman of patience, consistency, and obedience".
Such great joy and excitement filled me. Encouragement surrounded my heart because God is calling me to something else and what if....just what if it is something big that others might stand around saying "she is CRAZY" all the while I will continue to tell God, yes, remembering that they thought Noah was crazy too.
I slept through the entire night on Saturday. The first time in 8 days. I was also pain free and awoke with great vision and determination to complete the cleaning tasks God had set out before me.
But first I needed to go visit that new church. I walked into the service hearing Chris Tomlin's Jesus Messiah. I couldn't help but smile. God is so funny. Gotta love the inside jokes that are just between the two of you....they are way better than inside jokes with humans hahahhaha. seriously! Anyway, the preacher was great (learned new things) but my heart is currently set on a new pilgrimage so I can't say I was like "this is the church for me".....but it may be the church for now.
It was at the end when they began to sing "A thousand times I've failed. Still your mercy remains. Should I stumble again. Still I'm caught in your grace......EVERLASTING, YOUR LIGHT will SHINE WHEN ALL ELSE FADES. Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame"........................that I fully understood my God's great love and awareness of me.
You see, I hardly ever hear that song. The very first time I heard it I was taking 8ish students to Tokyo, the largest city in the world, and did not have A CLUE about what I was doing. Those sweet students sang this song to me early that morning. I will never forget having a peace in my anxious spirit when I heard them sing " YOUR WILL ABOVE ALL ELSE. My purpose remains. The art of LOSING MYSELF in BRINGING YOU PRAISE"...and I knew that being in Tokyo was crazy but He was going to take care of it. I would be losing myself in bringing Him praise.
And here I was again 2 1/2 years later, sitting alone in a strange place with a future completely unknown and God reassuring me ONCE MORE, in a completely different way, His will above all else, my purpose remains. That I am smack in the middle of learning the art of losing myself in bringing Him praise.......everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades. Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame AND THE CRY OF MY HEART IS TO BRING YOU PRAISE FROM THE INSIDE OUT..LORD MY SOUL CRIES OUT.
I put this up in case my parents haven't heard this praise song.....
So as you can imagine. I sang and cried. Tokyo was completely out of my comfort zone and so is my future. So I went to Dollar Tree, just as I was told, bought everything I needed and returned home to become some amazing supernatural cleaning woman. I kept saying "who am I" hahahhahha. I am not a huge "on my knees scrubbing the flow" kind of girl. But boy was the Lord working through me yesterday. The entire list was completed and I just set back in shock.
I avoided phone calls because I knew if I talked I would just pour my heart out all over them and it just wasn't time. Last night I finally talked to my mom and after explaining what I was going through and what I currently knew she said "it's like Noah, they thought he was crazy but he was obedient"........WHAT??????????? I mean how many times have mom and I talked about Noah in my adult years?????? seriously. Started crying, again, because it was just ANOTHER confirmation that God is at work and that all I need to do is listen and obey!
My parents are great. I really value their trust in me and their trust in my own relationship with Christ. It is so freeing that I can share and they know that I am listening and seeking God so there is no need for them to question a lot of things. I value their advice and last night I praised God that since I am single and biblical still under their authority....that while He was speaking to me He has been speaking to them. True love. I say it all the time but God knows all about true love.
I am just rambling tonight...sorry. All these little things just go together for me. This post may have just been mine alone. who knows. Anyway, decided to take my big bible to school this morning. I never do that anymore because I have a smaller one there. I set it on my desk and just flipped it open...................and this is what I saw after my eyes bugged out of my head about 20 yards and then returned....
" I will give them, in My house and within My walls,
a memorial and a name
better than sons and daughters.
I will give each [of them] an everlasting name
that will never be cut off.
And the foreigners who convert to the LORD,
minister to Him, love the LORD's name,
and are His servants,
all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it,
and who hold firmly to My covenant—
I will bring them to My holy mountain
and let them rejoice in My house of prayer.
Their burnt offerings and sacrifices
will be acceptable on My altar,
for My house will be called a house of prayer
for all nations."
[This is] the declaration of the Lord GOD ,
who gathers the dispersed of Israel:
"I will gather to them still others
besides those already gathered."
Isaiah 56:5-8................this portion was underlined in green pen and beside it I had written...."EVERLASTING-Japan, July 2008"
I could hardly believe it. I mean, I was already on board with whatever God wants to do with me but He is such a God of little details. He is everywhere if we just allow ourselves to look! To put in front of me a portion of scripture I had poured my heart out over in prayer was so tender to me! He has given us an everlasting name and no matter what we are called to do or go it cannot be cut off! I could talk and talk about his portion of scripture and what it has meant to me as I began to grow in my love for missions. Today it blessed me again.
So, because the word "everlasting" was in front of me again I knew I had to do a short word study on it.....
everlasting-------- in strictness, is that which endures forever; either that which has no beginning and will have no end (in which sense it is applicable to God only), or that which, having a beginning, will have no end, but henceforth will exist forever (thus of beings created for immortality............. The term "everlasting" or "eternal," applied to God, describes Him as filling, or enduring through, all the "ages" of time. It is only thus that we can symbolically represent eternity.
and so this is what I know. Father's work for me is eternal…..that He alone is filling. He has called me to Kingdom Business, do you know what I mean? "Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from EVERLASTING to EVERLASTING you are GOD." Ps 90.2. That as a daughter of His I can say back to Him in great confidence "Your righteousness is everlasting and your law is true". Ps 119:142. I know that His will above all else , my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing you praise. Everlasting, YOUR LIGHT WILL SHINE (in me, through me, before me, behind me) when all else fails. Never-ending, your glory goes beyond all fame. And even though He is just giving me a little bit of light for now, I am still going to move forward in preparation. So that when I get the “go” I can boldly say “Here am I, send me!”………………because the cry of my heart is to bring you praise from the inside out, Lord my soul cries out!
Oh Lord, your word says “I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life!” You know I believe. You know that I am willing to go where you lead and that I am choosing to be ok with just taking a short baby steps till you decide to reveal more. I love you, Lord. I love hearing from you and I thank you for using me.
So, if you have watched my super long video from about two weeks ago then you are clear about where I am with the Lord......and the crazy adventures He likes to invite me on.
Well, I want to thank so many of you that took the time to email me words of encouragement, info about different options, and things I could get involved in. I am still responding but know that I have read each email and I am, ABOVE ALL, so gracious that you would take 24 minutes of your life to listen and watch. I love you dearly and I am so thankful that I was able to be so very transparent in front of you. So thank you so very much for your love!
But the thing about the Spirit moving in you is that you can "say it out loud" or "share it a million times" or "keep it to yourself" but that doesn't mean it goes away. If fact it sometimes just grows stronger. I told my bff Laura that I really felt like I would know more about my future after my Atlanta trip. A few things were going on prier and during and for some reason my mind was shut down in thoughts "after" Atlanta. It was like my trip would be over and I would see a new path taking me in a new direction.
But I got home....and there was no light......as in no light at all. No new path and not even a single flicker of light in front of me.
I spent all last week crazy. Tues was my first day back at school and I could hardly make it. All of the sudden I was completely disgusted in where I worked. Yes, I am so grateful for a job but my ears were now REALLY opened to all the ugly/foul language around me, disgusting behavior that that is neither reprimanded nor corrected. My senses were over the top.
I also did not sleep through the night for 8 straight days and I'm a 10 hour a night kind of girl. I was up sometime between 1-4 every night with deep, terrible jaw pain so I spent most of that time in prayer. But you must know that last week I was feeling empty in my walk with the Lord. I was tired, feeling lost, and in need of a word from Him.
Friday came and went. I was up at 6 Sat morning (due to pain) so I had hours to just sit, read the word, pray and listen. It was in that "listening" time that God began to speak.
It first started with me knowing that I needed to not go to my current home church in the town I live. It is no surprise to those around me that I have been struggling with the church for a long time for very different reasons. Nothing doctrinal or anything. So I told God "sure thing" and I would visit the Bible Church on Sunday. I went on about my business cleaning house, napping for a long time, and cooking a feast.
It was not until I layed my head on my pillow, Saturday night, that God began speaking more. It began in a list form...........touch up paint on walls, deep clean floors ( USE VINEGAR...my new love), organize laundry room so that any woman would sigh as they entered it, put away items you do not use, clean out every closet, clean out all drawers and do not hang on to a single thing that doesn't really mean anything......
Now, you realize that I had just spent the day cleaning my house. I am also NOT type A list maker nor do I EVER spend my pre-bed time thinking of things to do around the house. TOTALLY NOT MY STYLE. They just kept coming at me one by one and as fast as I was comprehending it. The Holy Spirit even told me things like "the dollar tree, go after church because they will have everything you need"!!!!!!!!!! hahahhahah crazy right.
But this list was not just about getting me organized......it was about me getting my house ready to be put on the market. I was blown away. It was the very first "something" in my future path. It was like a candle glow in the darkness around me.
I layed there repeating the list over and over. Feeling the since of great urgency and excitement. I HAD HEARD SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!! but oh my parents and friends were going to think I was CRAZY! Put my house on the market with no job or new location. WHAT??????
And then there was Noah. I have to be honest with you that repeating my cleaning duty list from the Holy Spirit seems polar opposite from what I then heard in my spirit.......
"Noah, man of patience, consistency, and obedience.....and they too thought he was crazy for doing what I asked of him, Caroline"................
is it me or have you heard the Lord speak your name to your soul before? I cry every time. anyway, it all just began to make sense. I was not alone in this. Those that have gone before me know what it is like to be asked to do something that others do not understand. I started to cry.....because I wanted to be a Noah. I want to be a woman that others say "she did not have a clue what was in store for her nor did she back away from the unknown. She was a woman of patience, consistency, and obedience".
Such great joy and excitement filled me. Encouragement surrounded my heart because God is calling me to something else and what if....just what if it is something big that others might stand around saying "she is CRAZY" all the while I will continue to tell God, yes, remembering that they thought Noah was crazy too.
I slept through the entire night on Saturday. The first time in 8 days. I was also pain free and awoke with great vision and determination to complete the cleaning tasks God had set out before me.
But first I needed to go visit that new church. I walked into the service hearing Chris Tomlin's Jesus Messiah. I couldn't help but smile. God is so funny. Gotta love the inside jokes that are just between the two of you....they are way better than inside jokes with humans hahahhaha. seriously! Anyway, the preacher was great (learned new things) but my heart is currently set on a new pilgrimage so I can't say I was like "this is the church for me".....but it may be the church for now.
It was at the end when they began to sing "A thousand times I've failed. Still your mercy remains. Should I stumble again. Still I'm caught in your grace......EVERLASTING, YOUR LIGHT will SHINE WHEN ALL ELSE FADES. Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame"........................that I fully understood my God's great love and awareness of me.
You see, I hardly ever hear that song. The very first time I heard it I was taking 8ish students to Tokyo, the largest city in the world, and did not have A CLUE about what I was doing. Those sweet students sang this song to me early that morning. I will never forget having a peace in my anxious spirit when I heard them sing " YOUR WILL ABOVE ALL ELSE. My purpose remains. The art of LOSING MYSELF in BRINGING YOU PRAISE"...and I knew that being in Tokyo was crazy but He was going to take care of it. I would be losing myself in bringing Him praise.
And here I was again 2 1/2 years later, sitting alone in a strange place with a future completely unknown and God reassuring me ONCE MORE, in a completely different way, His will above all else, my purpose remains. That I am smack in the middle of learning the art of losing myself in bringing Him praise.......everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades. Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame AND THE CRY OF MY HEART IS TO BRING YOU PRAISE FROM THE INSIDE OUT..LORD MY SOUL CRIES OUT.
I put this up in case my parents haven't heard this praise song.....
So as you can imagine. I sang and cried. Tokyo was completely out of my comfort zone and so is my future. So I went to Dollar Tree, just as I was told, bought everything I needed and returned home to become some amazing supernatural cleaning woman. I kept saying "who am I" hahahhahha. I am not a huge "on my knees scrubbing the flow" kind of girl. But boy was the Lord working through me yesterday. The entire list was completed and I just set back in shock.
I avoided phone calls because I knew if I talked I would just pour my heart out all over them and it just wasn't time. Last night I finally talked to my mom and after explaining what I was going through and what I currently knew she said "it's like Noah, they thought he was crazy but he was obedient"........WHAT??????????? I mean how many times have mom and I talked about Noah in my adult years?????? seriously. Started crying, again, because it was just ANOTHER confirmation that God is at work and that all I need to do is listen and obey!
My parents are great. I really value their trust in me and their trust in my own relationship with Christ. It is so freeing that I can share and they know that I am listening and seeking God so there is no need for them to question a lot of things. I value their advice and last night I praised God that since I am single and biblical still under their authority....that while He was speaking to me He has been speaking to them. True love. I say it all the time but God knows all about true love.
I am just rambling tonight...sorry. All these little things just go together for me. This post may have just been mine alone. who knows. Anyway, decided to take my big bible to school this morning. I never do that anymore because I have a smaller one there. I set it on my desk and just flipped it open...................and this is what I saw after my eyes bugged out of my head about 20 yards and then returned....
" I will give them, in My house and within My walls,
a memorial and a name
better than sons and daughters.
I will give each [of them] an everlasting name
that will never be cut off.
And the foreigners who convert to the LORD,
minister to Him, love the LORD's name,
and are His servants,
all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it,
and who hold firmly to My covenant—
I will bring them to My holy mountain
and let them rejoice in My house of prayer.
Their burnt offerings and sacrifices
will be acceptable on My altar,
for My house will be called a house of prayer
for all nations."
[This is] the declaration of the Lord GOD ,
who gathers the dispersed of Israel:
"I will gather to them still others
besides those already gathered."
Isaiah 56:5-8................this portion was underlined in green pen and beside it I had written...."EVERLASTING-Japan, July 2008"
I could hardly believe it. I mean, I was already on board with whatever God wants to do with me but He is such a God of little details. He is everywhere if we just allow ourselves to look! To put in front of me a portion of scripture I had poured my heart out over in prayer was so tender to me! He has given us an everlasting name and no matter what we are called to do or go it cannot be cut off! I could talk and talk about his portion of scripture and what it has meant to me as I began to grow in my love for missions. Today it blessed me again.
So, because the word "everlasting" was in front of me again I knew I had to do a short word study on it.....
everlasting-------- in strictness, is that which endures forever; either that which has no beginning and will have no end (in which sense it is applicable to God only), or that which, having a beginning, will have no end, but henceforth will exist forever (thus of beings created for immortality............. The term "everlasting" or "eternal," applied to God, describes Him as filling, or enduring through, all the "ages" of time. It is only thus that we can symbolically represent eternity.
and so this is what I know. Father's work for me is eternal…..that He alone is filling. He has called me to Kingdom Business, do you know what I mean? "Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from EVERLASTING to EVERLASTING you are GOD." Ps 90.2. That as a daughter of His I can say back to Him in great confidence "Your righteousness is everlasting and your law is true". Ps 119:142. I know that His will above all else , my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing you praise. Everlasting, YOUR LIGHT WILL SHINE (in me, through me, before me, behind me) when all else fails. Never-ending, your glory goes beyond all fame. And even though He is just giving me a little bit of light for now, I am still going to move forward in preparation. So that when I get the “go” I can boldly say “Here am I, send me!”………………because the cry of my heart is to bring you praise from the inside out, Lord my soul cries out!
Oh Lord, your word says “I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life!” You know I believe. You know that I am willing to go where you lead and that I am choosing to be ok with just taking a short baby steps till you decide to reveal more. I love you, Lord. I love hearing from you and I thank you for using me.