Hi, my name is Caroline.......
see, here is the proof! This was Mom and I on Good Friday. We were heading out with Dad to see a movie and eat Mexican food!
I did not have a specific "blog break" planned in my mind.....that has just been something the Lord has done. I have been seeking Him (in a healthy/heavenly/stalker sense) about a few areas in my life.
I have sought out Godly counsel, scripture, and prayer due to these extremely STRONG feelings/ideas/heart pulls about my future.
On top of that I have been working out like a crazy woman as I am continuing to break free from the extra weight! I am growing stronger each day and even down a dress size, PRAISE GOD!
I did have a WONDERFUL EASTER weekend at my parents. We rode bikes, lingered on the porch, grilled out, and looked through so many old photos! I had such a restful time. I didn't get a new dress this year...i got this jcrew peach one back in the summer but i AM getting a new dress for my up coming Atlanta trip...which is 17 days away!
Ok so small talk aside............I don't blog unless I can be completely open and honest with you. I can see through "fake" instantly and God has chosen for me to only blog when He speaks or to update you on events in life. With that said, God has given me a very specific vision for my future.....ministry/job wise.
And it scares me to death.... but so did teaching when He called me to that. I thought I was currently ready to share with you this next step in my walk with Him..... but as I type I can clearly hear warnings going off in my spirit. So I am sorry that the rest of this post might be vague. Anywho, like teaching, I will have to walk into this blind. I can foresee selling my house, possibly moving to another state, and giving up some of the things I love about teaching like VACATION hahahhhah just kidding!
Here's the deal.......
1. I want whatever GOD wants. I WANT TO BE USED FOR HIS GLORY. So if that means I stay, then I stay. If it means go, then I will go.
2. I am NOT AFRAID of something new. Sure, I am UNDER QUALIFIED in about a bazillion different areas, for this calling, but God can make me smarter and able.........I mean He does it all the time ha! I grew up moving around so I am not afraid of the new place challenge either!
3. I am currently praising Him for my singleness. Because of it I am able and willing to pick up my life and start over somewhere else. There is a sweetness to the fact that this next adventure, THAT I HAVE ZERO DETAILS ON, will still be just between Him and I. Still just my story, my song. 2 weeks ago I was afraid of another adventure alone. Now I am just trusting.
4. Time frame----------not a clue. The Holy Spirit just starts talking and your spirit starts becoming tender in an area that you would normally NOT EVEN LOOK AT. These last 2 weeks God has just been pounding at my heart. Making me think outside the box and making me open my eyes wider to Him. I was begging Him for just a glimpse of what is to come...........no need to change jobs, no need to sale the house and move, no need to take on something that is God size....and yet I was still begging Him for a glimpse into why my heart turned toward "change".
5. Years ago, I was doing the Daniel bible study by Beth M and on the way home one night I told the Lord that if following Him meant that I would have to set aside all my longings to be a wife, mother, job... then I was in. If it meant giving it all up I still wanted Him more. I still wanted to be used by Him more.
What is so amazing is that when God begins to present to you a new assignment/calling every piece of evidence, no matter how small, becomes the delight of your life. Every "clue" or words spoken to my spirit in these last two weeks has had the POWER to FILL UP every longing area in my heart. It is so hard for me to explain but you know, even if I was to marry, that husband could not fill me up. My joy could not come from him. But God fills up those longings. EVERY PART OF THEM. When I yield to Him and humbly put myself in His hands, every job He has for me, every ministering opportunity He presents before me, and every time He looks down and says "Caroline, she's my girl for this job", my heart is filled in every single way. TO CAPACITY! And that is true love for me. True Love.
6. I NEED YOUR PRAYER! In the dark of the night I lay there struggling with my flesh saying "WHAT THE HECK GIRL.........YOU CAN'T DO THIS! How will you make money, how will you pay the bills, could you sell the house, who would hire someone that HAS NEVER EVER DONE THIS BEFORE! You are not educated enough!". And I repeat over and over....
Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others,
To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:7-11
I really need your prayers for a clear spirit and deep wisdom. Not my wisdom but the wise wisdom that only God can give. Pray that even if this current calling in far in the future that I will not grow weary or impatient to see it come to life. Pray that, in the meantime, God would continue to teach me right where I am and that I would still be able to serve and write! And pray against the enemy, in Jesus Name, that wants me to so desperately believe that there is no way God could fulfill this next step in life. But I know that if God calls me, then He alone will prepare my way. Oh how I just love Him!
Father, it has been so long. Thank you for this space and thank you for my sweet reader friends that sent emails of concern. I praise you for friends all over the world that I get to fellowship with. Thank you for these last 2 weeks where You spoke to me more boldly than I have ever experienced! I LOVE YOU and I will continue to step out in faith because I know you will light my way! Where ever you lead I will go. I will follow my Christ, who loves me so....where ever you lead I will go. Amen.