Books and My Backgound...

I have been writing this post for a long time in my head. I receive so many emails filled with questions about good books to read, good devotionals to have, and what is my history of growing in Christ... so I decided that I would write a post about the books and studies that have most impacted my life.

The problem with this post is that I could never just list for you a few books and say "I like these, go buy them". It just isn't me to not explain why. And with the "why" comes some of my history that I have not yet shared with you all.....so with this one post I am able to answer a multitude of questions that I receive......which means this post is a doozy.

I spent a lot of time going through my prayer journals and book shelves to help trigger memories back to even my early days in college....... so that I could share how or why i am the way I am today. I hope this post is beneficial no matter the age of the one reading. In my own personal walk, in the beginning, I found that books really helped guide me......I hope that some of these will guide you as well. To those that do not care to read some of my history.......you can just scroll down and look at the pictures.

Some of these books will be.......

to you and some will be very...

either way I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little better....enjoy may not be the best word. ha lets say that I hope you will not mind me giving you a recap on my past.

Ok, lets begin. I have decided to pick up my life from my freshman year in college. You all know I was raised in a Christian home where our faith was openly talked about. Teenage years-there are lots of books for teens that I liked going up...but to be honest I always had a hard time with quiet times and what they looked like or the benefit of them. I loved church and loved serving and learning but at the time I did not "get it" when it came to a deep relationship with God. A lot of that is do to just immaturity, which we have all experienced. But...I left for college with a solid foundation and joy in my heart.

I have hit rock bottom 2 different times in my life. Both HUGE pivotal markers in my walk with Christ. The first was Dec of my soph year at UNT. I was overly stressed with my fashion/sewing classes that required millions of projects do EVERY WEEK (that is probably why i can't watch Project Runway without breaking into a cold sweat), I was in a sorority, and to deal with the stress I went out and partied. That's how I "dealt" with it all. This lifestyle had been slowly creeping on me but by that fall semester, 2nd year, I was deep in a hole and completely miserable.

I did not look like myself nor did I laugh like I laugh. I no longer knew why I had the friends I had or what I was doing in school. I was so empty and alone that the night before I went home for Christmas break I was on my knees, in my living room, asking....no begging God for forgiveness. Begging Him to make a way out for me. Begging Him to forgive me. At one point I was crying so hard that my prayers sounded like yelling. I had had enough. I could not pretend anymore and I could not continue living a life that I HATED and a life that I know God never intended for me!

So, that month off for Christmas break, I read Lady in Waiting......... so many of you have read this. It was the VERY BEGINNING of God writing out this love story between He and I. Because I was 20 years old and deep in a pit. God used this book to give me the courage to walk away from bad friendships, bad habits, bad situations. This book helped me take steps in my journey home to Father.... because I wasn't even enjoying the life I led......does that make sense?????? I was empty and hated myself for it! I was so desperate for a new start. I will forever be grateful for God putting this book in my lap and saying "you will read this!"



During the spring of my sophomore year I had what most call a "mental breakdown" although mine was more of a "spiritual breakdown". God had pulled me out of the pit but I was required to deal with the consequences of my MANY sins and He would not let me go the easy route. Hardest semester of my entire life. Literally thought I was crazy at one point. Cried all the time. Looking back it doesn't seem as ugly as it felt....all these years later I can see God's deep love for me so clearly. God pulled EVERYONE out of my life......minus my family.....but even with them I was forced to endure all of the repercussions alone. Sometimes we need others help and sometimes we have to fight alone......mine was alone.

I did not have a cell phone at the time and to avoid the temptation from phone calls of sorority parties and going dancing/drinking, I would drive to Lewisville on Thursday nights. I would go to the Barnes and Noble, sit in the floor of the Christian section and just read. FOR HOURS. God had also supplied me with a job, in another town, which helped to keep me away and fill my time with things that honored Him more.

March 2, 2002..that same semester.....I know the date because I always date the books I buy.....I purchased this book below.....

Choosing God's Best.......greatest book I have ever bought. HOWEVER, at the time I disagreed with EVERYTHING it talked about and thought I had wasted $12. One of my many issues was dealing with boys. I had a history of feeling "not chosen" or "not enough" that had left scares on my heart. I had lots of guy friends but never boyfriends. Could have been due to my dad being the Head football coach at my school......hahahha oh just kidding! My thinking on dating was a product of society.......you know, date a lot or just have fun or use your power to get what you want. All that crap. Well, this book was about biblical courtship and how God never intended for us to date the way we date.

That April God called me to transfer to Dallas Baptist University where I spent the next two years in a safe environment learning about Him and healing my deep cuts. I will be forever grateful to DBU although at first my rebellious spirit loathed all the campus rules. But within weeks I was praising GOD for all the rules and boundaries He was setting up around me. Oh how He loves us and Oh how He protects us! Best money my parents ever spent!

Side note: that summer, after my soph year, I had to still be at UNT because I had an apartment and couldn't get out of my lease. By this time God had opened my eyes to every ugly part of my sin and I could hardly stand being in the town. I was ready to move on and have it out of my life. Running into certain people or seeing certain places felt like a scab was being pulled off every time. I was working at a boutique in Plano and some evenings I would drive to DBU, park at the top of the hill, sit on the hood of my car, eat my subway sandwich and watch the sun set! I will never forget the first time I felt beautiful again and understood God's power in my life....it was one of those sun set nights. I sat there knowing that transferring and starting over was scary but staying in a pit that felt like hell was scarier!

ok...back to books......This book above (choosing God's best) did not change my life until the Summer of 2006.....my second rock bottom.....but in a different way. It was my rock bottom for "my old way of thinking". By this time I was teaching. God was really changing me and growing me. I was learning so much in all these different areas of my walk. I thought I was really doing great in the area of "feeling rejected" but had just come out of a very short dating relationship that showed me I was clearly not healed. I use to struggle with the saying "There are just some girls you date and then there are the girls you marry.......your the marrying type Caroline".........it seems to be true but this saying really did a number with my heart. Apparently I was still trying to find my worth in a relationship that I never got to have. Does that make sense? This time God did not let me loose until a year later when my thoughts of life, love, worship, and calling were completely different and I no longer looked like the Caroline that was confused. I was made completely white as snow in every way. God had rewired my views, ideas, thoughts, and beliefs........praise Him.......and this "Caroline" is the one that writes to you today! Praise God!

I have not dated a single person since that early summer. I have had feelings for a few, but God has shut each of those doors early on in protection. For a long time I didn't even have the desire to like anybody because I liked it being just me and God. God used this book, Choosing God's Best, to reenter my life as a perfect game plan of what He expects of me the next and only time He allows the man to come into my life forever. I no long deal with old rejection issues and I no longer feel the need to cross any lines that do not honor God. I no longer find my value or worth in others or need their approval. I follow Christ and have truly learned what it is like to let Him fill up every space of my heart.

Biblical Courtship........that is what I have been called to. And these lips of mine will not touch another's till a firm commitment of engagement for marriage has been set out by God. And I thank Him that His way is safe, pure and above all HONORS HIM! May sound crazy to some but to me it is CRAZY GOOD! This book has been such a huge blessing in my life.

heavy stuff, right? ha! ok, well from now on I will keep my stories short because the rest of these books have been just the cherry on top of my spiritual walk. Most of these helped deepen my understanding in different ways. I just needed you to know how I got here first.

5 love languages- will change the way you look at people and deal with people. Made me a better friend and teacher. Helped me understand why some people just don't give what you need and some don't take what you give!

Captivating and Wild at Heart- many of you have read these! I know "Wild" is for guys but I read it too. I think it has great insight for us women that we need to know! Part of my healing in the area "guys" came from God making me read books about them ha!

"not even a hint" which is now called "sex is not the problem...lust is"

I know, I know, the new title is bold but for young people dealing with the lust that sometimes can consume............this book is so great! Like "Captivating" talks about, we as females are under assault by Satan and he so desires for us to use our bodies to draw others eyes to us. Josh Harris says "Lust offers men the pleasure of sex devoid of the hard work of intimacy. Lust offers women the power to get what they want relationally if they use their sexuality to seduce." Powerful right? He goes on to talk about how women seduce in the way we act or dress to dominate men, control them, or manipulate them.

I use to separated God from dating and all the things we as women do. This book really talks about lust being a human problem not just a problem for guys or for girls. It is about seeing the higher calling God has for us and to celebrating our purity in all areas of our life. This book is a great resource for someone dealing with a stronghold of lust or still living their dating life like Hollywood says we need to.

FOR WOMEN ONLY and FOR MEN ONLY!

I was introduced to these books during a retreat my first year teaching. If you are a guy reading this.........go buy For Men Only...trust me it will explain a lot! For Women Only is so good! Especially for you that are getting married or are married. Great insight into your man and the info was collected from the men themselves. I heart these two books and YES i have read the "For Men Only".....and guys it is so right about us women! ha!

Next two are both great! Laura use to love Angela's books. John Piper's "What's the Difference" is about gender roles and issues from a biblical perspective. I love this book! Especially now, as a 28 year old single woman that carries all the weight of owning a home, yard maintenance, home maintenance, paying bills, cooking dinner....you get the point. I do it all and have been doing it all for a while now. This book helped me a few years ago to be very careful to not blur the lines between gender roles in an unhealthy way.

Elisabeth Elliott.....need I say more. I read Passion and Purity at least once a year. The very first page of Let me be a woman says.......

"In order to learn what it means to be a woman we must start with the ONE WHO MADE HER"

...............that statement in itself feels like my life. In college I did not understand what it meant to be a woman of God and during my second rock bottom, my second year of teaching, I finally learned deep in my soul who I was in Christ and what I meant to Him. Both these books are engraved on my heart! Both are about a Love relationship with God.

Traveling Light ........another book that God used to change me during that year of "rewiring". I had a little daily quote thing from the book that was on my desk at school. Time and time again I would feel old insecurities crawling on me and I would look down and God's word would just soothe me. Traveling Light is about letting go of the baggage we choose to carry but God never intended for us to. Little book with BIG POWER! This book represents a time in my life of complete reliance on God.



Desiring God...Piper......READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT.......all about delighting in God as God delights in himself. One of those books you will use A LOT! It is always out at my house.

Yancy's What's so Amazing about Grace .......great book....kinda hard for me to read, for some reason, but once I did it was so worth it. It is loved by so many.

The Bondage Breaker -----was introduced to this book while we were visiting Amy in China one Christmas...........all I can say is I COULD HAVE USED THIS THAT CRAZY SOPHOMORE YEAR IN COLLEGE!!!!!! Man, if i had read this back in the day so many things would have made sense to me. I was a believer in bondage and didn't get the fact that God really intended for me to be FREE! I love this book and say that if you deal with sin at all...hahahahhaha of course you do, then you need this book. Read it also for the ones you so dearly love that are completely living in bondage! Read it and then give it!

part 1 is done. So as you can see my STORY, my SONG may look like so many of yours. May have played out differently or involved different sins but it is a story of TRUE REDEMPTION and RESTORATION just like yours. Because that is what God does in the lives of the children that are His. Let me also add that as painful as it is to look back on all my STUPIDITY, the feelings of needing God desperately still remain as though I was living through it again. I DON'T EVER WANT TO GO BACK THERE..... and that is what keeps me open, honest, transparent, real, and constantly confessing sins. That terrible 1 and a 1/2 years of my life seemed an eternity long but God's growing me back has been much longer...and I praise Him for that!

I did not start having a CONSISTANT quiet time till 2004. Amazing how God throws you into a job, you have no business doing, and how it gets you on your knees in prayer REAL FAST! I found out quickly that walking into a classroom of high school kids without being with the Lord was the DUMBEST THING I COULD EVER DO!

PRAYER CHANGES EVERTHING! I am now a firm believer in that.

My mom got me hooked on Journey...a devotional magazing (its little) that comes every month. The best little devotional around! You can order it on Lifeway.com. It is short and to the point, has a little prayer at the end and scripture. Convicts your heart within minutes and you will be suprised how powerful this little devotional can be. I keep mine at school. I have prayer time on my way in and then I read this when I get there.

Everyone has "their special time" that they like to be still in front of the Lord. Mine is right after school. I come home, get comfy in my big chair and spend as long as I like in prayer, study, and silince.

Here are some of the things I like to have around me during my bible study time.......

This little book of prayers has everything from praying for your children to your husband to you. I like having it near when I am not sure how to pray.

I LOVE THESE NEXT THREE! Ok, to my Beth Moore Bible study lovers..........90 days with any of these 3 is amazing. They are taken from her bible studies but you learn different things! I have one of these 90 day books going between my BIG bible studies. They are still deep and thoughtful.......just the way we like it.....but not long and the prayer each day follows a page to write out your own! I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not even tell you how many times i have just sat and cried while doing one of these three. They always speak to my heart and they give you that "more" thing we often look to add to our short daily devotionals!

Mardels.com they have the best deals!

I have talked about this book before....Blessing Your Spirit...I LOVE IT! It is full of prayers that bless your soul and call out to God by His many names! This was a gift a few years ago and it has really changed my prayer life.

Lastly, I have prayer journals. I only started this because I always saw my mom writing in hers. I have so many now and when I am feeling forgotten or whatever...I can go to my old prayer journals and see all the answered prayers God has blessed me with and those around me! Not everyone likes to write prayers but you will be surprised what you are more willing to write down!

BIBLE STUDY IS WERE IT ALL BEGAN FOR ME!

I am not naturally a super smart person. ha! book smart that is! School was fun for me because all my friends were there. Back in the day I loved to read my bible but did not always comprehend what it was saying or what it meant. There was definitly a disconnect there.

BIBLE STUDY........... I am a firm believer in bible study. There is nothing more powerful than a woman with her head in her bible and a study next to her helping her find her way!!!!!!!!!!

The summer of my "second rock bottom" mom took me to the Beth Moore Conference in OKC. I learned more in those two days than I had in my life pryer to that.

side note....... i don't know if you will think this is amazing but the OKC conference was in 06 and i was at the beging of my year long heart/head clean out with God. 3 1/2 years later I am at the conference in Memphis and this time I am nothing like the Caroline that went 3 years before. This time I was able to fully Praise God, in worship, without carrying around a heavy heart or a trunk full of burdens. And you know what, Beth said that our hurt is deep, deep....and because it is so deep we have to allow God to go even deeper to make sure we are fully healed. What is so amazing about that last statement is the fact that I felt guilty that my healing was taking so long. IT TOOK A WHOLE YEAR TO DEAL WITH ONE ISSUE.......and you know what....I WAS HEALED and have not had that issue since! PRAISE GOD! Those thoughts poured into my mind during the memphis conf and I was just full of joy for all the work HE has FAITHFULLY DONE IN ME!

Daniel... not my first BM study but my first one to rock my world. I did this study in the middle of losing a lot of weight and learning to take care of the temple of God. "Just because you can doesn't mean you should" will forever been ingrained in my mind! I have a love for end time events and studying prophecy and this study CHANGED ME!!!!!!!!!

The Patriarchs......... my very favorite bible study I have ever done. I did this one alone and watched the dvd's each week at my house. There was not one week that I did not end up on the floor before God at the end of each dvd. This study came after walking in true freedom for one year! I love history and I loved learning how it all began in the Old T. I really relate with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in different ways.................and when I was finished with this study I was the most in Love with God that I had ever been up to that point! IN LOVE!

just a few more. To Live is Christ was another powerful study for me because I was in the middle of God teaching me to DIE TO SELF......and then a few weeks later I was doing this study. I learned what it really meant to "YEILD to HIM" and let God move. I will never forget the first day at school that I was completely yeilded to Him ALL DAY LONG! I had never experienced going a whole day doing it God's way. I came home and just clapped and clapped and praised Him, out loud, in my living room! Oh my faith and turst was just so strengthed that day! I got my first taste of how life with God was way better than my way!



Stepping Up will always be dear to my heart. I started it right after I started my blog. This study gave me a new and fresh song in my heart and honestly I had never loved hymns and praise music as much as I do now after doing this study. This study also came after a year and a half of God teaching me how to be a prayer warrior. BM asked that we get on the ground in prayer before we start each daily assignment. That time, on the ground in prayer, was so special to me. So many of my prayers were for my brand new blog friends and the things they were longing for. This study took my prayer life to a new demintion and I am forever grateful!

one little thing I do is listen to the audio's of different studies when I am on the road. Best investment for me! Most days I have on my christian radio but on longer road trips I always have my study cd's with me. Keeps my mind fresh, on Father, and on things above. If you are worried about people being in the car too......just put it in....so many of my friends are use to me doing this now and they get to learn too!

Study tools that I use often are.......

this bible word dictionary is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! greek and hebrew! get one if you love to study word meanings!

one day, when I can afford it, I will have a complete set of commentaries.....they make your study time so much more fun and interesting! Anything by John MacArthur is a fav of mine.



art teacher= visual learner. I heart charts, graphs, pictures. Tim LaHaye's charting the end times is one of the best books I have ever purchased. Explains everything Revelations talks about in a clear way. Makes Rev not so intimidating but interesting!

ROSE PUBLISHING.....go to their website if you don't have a Mardels in your area. They have free echarts on all kinds of stuff that they will send you. Again, i need to see what I am studying so this book below is so helpful. Gives info on everything in the bible that you don't know or understand! I LOVE THESE PEOPLE!!!!!!

They also have a LARGE assortment of pamplets.........I own many of these pamplest because they are easy to keep near you and easy to store... The armor of God is one I have talked about when I was dealing with some spiritual attacks. This is the pamplet I pulled and read it out loud about what the scripture says and what they each represent! Great offensive weapons!

Fiction....well i hated christian fiction back in the day. Back in my FULL OF SIN days that is! I read constantly but I put all my energy into stupid romance novels that suck the purity out of our lives and we wonder why we all have lust issues! Well, that soph year in college, God put a BIG FAT STOP TO MY USELESS READING. So for a long time I hated fiction because in my mind it was all the same.

So, I read all these non-fiction Christian books above and began to have a real love for studying God's word.

Then my mom introduced me to Karen Kingsbury.....and my hate for christian fiction ENDED.

Divine- my very first KK book. I am not over exaggerating when I say that I was never the same after I read this book. It is about a girl that is used and abused in every way. This book changed the way I teach. This book change me and the way I dealt with my students. I teach so many foster kids EVERY YEAR. I never had the compassion that I should have had for them till I read this book. From the moment I finished it, I have had the same mind set ever since............SHOW THEM CHRIST.....no matter if they are there a day, month or get to stay a year with me.....LET THEM KNOW ABOUT THE LOVE OF CHRIST! My favorite book. Grateful it made me a better woman.

many of you have read KK's books. Of course the Redemption series is amazing and honestly grows your faith as you read!

Next is Francine Rivers .........Atonement Child ...another book that really changed my thinking and honestly softened my heart for others. It's about God's provision and living out truth even if it cost us everything.



Redeeming Love .....what can I say.......so many of us love it. I read this before "CRAZY CAROLINE #1" happened. So I was in a different place. For me I loved it more the second time because it helped me in the way I minister to others.

I have talked about these little books before..........All by Francine Rivers and all biblical based fiction about women in the bible...............you can read them in a night. I say this boldly ...if you are needing a woman to admire....then some of these woman can do the job! They didn't all have great lives but they were ALL used by God is a mighty way!

That pretty much sums up my favorite reads and where my walk has come from. Books are great but it is my Bible that trumps them all. It is the WORD OF GOD that changed me.....God just used some of the books to point me in the right direction. My biggest breakthroughs and my biggest victories against satan came from

the Word of God..........

KNOWING WHAT IT SAYS.....

MEMORIZING SCRIPTURE THAT PERSONALY SPEAKS TO ME....

OPENING THE WORD DAILY...even when I don't feel like it....

and most importantly...

NEVER LETTING GO!

I spent countless night fighting satan and my own flesh. I would lay in bed and and repeat over and over....."I WILL NOT LET GO! I WILL NOT LET GO!" because sometimes my spiritual growth seemed soooooooooo hard. Sometimes my sinful desires or my negative thoughts would suddenly surround me and I would have to say Psalm 23 OVER AND OVER.

I would say it like this......

YOU ARE MY SHEPHERD LORD, I will not want.
YOU makes me lie down in green pastures,
YOU lead me beside STILL waters,

YOU restores my soul....LORD RESTORE MY SOUL
YOU FATHER guide me in paths of righteousness
for YOUR name's sake.

I am in the valley of the shadow of death,
BUT I will fear no evil,
for YOU are with me; YOU ARE HERE RIGHT NOW!
Your rod and your staff,
they comfort me....LORD YOU FIGHT FOR ME......

you get the point. I would say it till I fell asleep. Because sometimes the nights were the hardest for me. But it was those nights that God poured out His love over me.

This is why I now blog. My desire is for others to fully experience what it means to REALLY UNDERSTAND WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST. What that means and what it looks like. Because we have this one life and I am not ok with just wasting it on a life He never intended us to lead. So I hope that some of these books above might teach you something new, draw you closer to God, or put a new fire in you that you have never experienced.

HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW! I can testify to that........and by new, I mean, not a single scar, trace of trash, or guilt will remain when He gets finished with us!! I praise Him so! amen!