Learning to Maintain....
*Warning...this post was written at a some what desperate "God moment" yesterday morning...Jan 1. I did not post it and honestly struggled about posting it today because I did not want to sound like a broken record with a topic of mine that I often write about. So instead of writing and studying on the drive from Tenn to Texas.....like I said I wanted to do below.....I just rode and looked out the window...for many hours thinking over what I had written. But due to my need to be honest with you...I will post and pray it ministers....here is my heart from yesterday and the new verse for my year! I love you dearly!
TO MAINTAIN.......1/1/10
I do not have much time..........I spent the night here at my Aunt Chris and Uncle Scott's house. We have one last Christmas cousins party today and tomorrow we drive home to Texas. Anyway, I was feeling terrible yesterday with a head cold and though it was new years eve I could have cared less.
I am not a resolutions girl but do enjoy praising God for all the details in the past year. Like that weekend He told me to get away in my house without tv or any type of communication. Like the times Father has told me to go and do something that seems crazy but blesses me and the others in the end. Like the time He told me very firmly to "pivot" directions immediately..best thing I ever did! Like the weeks God was writing through me and I had to set aside things i needed to do or go to so that I could fulfill that job. You read it as it happened...you get the picture.....
I have been away from my home for about 10 days now. Traveling and being on the go with family can kind of take its toll on your alone time with God. He has FAITHFULLY given me moments alone to be with Him even if that meant sitting in the dining room while others are in the kitchen. But by last night I was thinking about how I could not wait for the ride home so that I could put my praise music in my ears and write/study for as long as I liked. Not even kidding when I say that my soul is just longing to get alone with Father. I read this last night...."Come let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD our Maker" Ps 95:6.............as I read that verse me body eased and I thought about how good it feels to bow down and kneel before the Lord. I just can't wait to be alone in my home and kneel. Oh the thought alone made me feel more rested.
Anyway, to the point of this post. I was not in the greatest of moods yesterday and by the time I got in bed...before 11 ha.....I was needing some scripture. I couldn't find my bible and figured I must have forgotten it at Daddy Bob's house. In the guest room, at my Aunt's, is a basket and there inside are a few old Journey daily devotionals that THE WOMEN IN MY FAMILY LOVE. We get them through Lifeway, it comes monthly and they are perfect for your morning time with the Lord.
So I picked up on that was from July 2008. Turned to the 31st and began to read.
Titled...WORRY, BE GONE!
Perfect, I thought.
And before I share the verse I know God has given me for this year.....let me just share that I have found this season of Christmas Joy to be delightful. However, I have had a few moments of embarrassment towards my singleness for the first time in my life. I have never EVER dealt with being embarrassed by explaining if i am married or not. But during a few family gatherings comments were made to me about being single "at my age" or "well you need to get married first" and "never marrying" and I honestly let doubt come in. For a second I entertained the idea that what they said was true. Because you trust the people you love. If they speak doubt about your situation then sometimes its hard to not see the doubt yourself. Before you know it, their words have sliced you in two pieces with God on one side and satan on another.
Now listen to me, this is not a pity party. I need you to know that up front. This is about MAINTAINING HOPE, MAINTAINING FAITH, MAINTAINING JOY, MAINTAINING TRUTH when even your closest circle of people are not maintaining with you.
This inner dialogue/war of thoughts was really going on in my head till I began to read this short devotional.
Top verse was.....Phil 4:5 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".
A favorite of mine that I know by heart. After I read this portion of scripture I knew instantly that whatever was on the pages below had been written just for me at this particular time in my life....even though it was over 2 years old.
It talked about worry and how it shows a lack of trust in God and His abilities to move. It also talked about how much time we waste and how much energy we throw away while we worry. These are all things we know from walking close with God....but sometimes we take our eyes off and forget.
And then I read THE verse. THE VERSES that were so thick with healing balm that after reading it multiple times by chest seemed so light! I have added verses to the beginning and the end because I think they speak just as loud as verses 7-8.
Jeremiah 17:5-10
This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
I am that tree. But at times I act like I am a bush in the wastelands! But God has made me that tree! I will not fear when heat comes......because the heat WILL come whether I like it or not. The heat being people's opinions, people's human ideas of how things should go, doubt, worry, or when my own heart want to deceive me. I am that tree that will have green leaves even in years of drought. I WILL STILL BEAR FRUIT. I WILL STILL GROW. I will still move forward and I WILL STILL DIE TO SELF SO THAT I CAN LIVE IN CHRIST!
I will not dwell in the desert of unbelief. Singleness is not that tragic. I will continue to speak of my singleness and in the darkness of night I will praise Father that He is ENOUGH for me. That our history together is long and I may get crazy in the head at times but I KNOW that I trust in Him....... I must flee from wanting to trust in man.
Father is my cool water when the heat around me is so thick I want to find a way out! He is my LIVING WATER! I am that tree and the promises of these verses bring such renewed strength in my current season that screaming..... " THIS IS MY STORY.....not your story.....my own God written story that may not always look pretty, sound enchanting, or be what you think it should be....but it is mine! He wrote MY name on it!"...... just doesn't do my heart justice.
I will not worry just because others worry. I will not pick up that burden. I will not worry because God has placed me by the still waters and He restores my soul........everyday......because His mercies are new each morning! I will continue to produce fruit of the Spirit because I need not worry if my needs will be met.......GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME!
And when evil lurks and my heart deceives me in the middle of the heat, in the drought, or in the harvest I will stay green with leaves of hope and bear fruit of joy for I bear your name Lord!
Jeremiah 17:5-10 is what I will pray daily for 2010 and in the midst of a lonely heart I will praise Him for the strength He gives me, the nurioushment that sustains me, and His Favor over me even when I feel I am in a drought! Because He is for me.....and He is worthy of my praise.
I know Lord. I know, I know, I know....this again. Why is it that my strength in you during some conversations seems to leave. I don't want that. Change in me what is not of you. Build me up in you so that I clearly say and believe that I am seeking first the kingdom of God, and your righteousness, and all these things will be added. "These things" being whatever the heck you want them to be. I am not like others Lord. You have called me to different things so please let others see that my life will not be the way they think it should be. I AM NOT AFRAID! Just because I am single does not mean I am forgotten. The silliness of that last statement makes me crazy, CRAZY! Maybe I am really bad at maintaining..........if I am not moving forward in trust during certain seasons then please teach me how to maintain in the mundane....cheesy Lord I know but teach me how to maintain my joy and hope while others around are asking a million questions and the heat is growing hotter. I know that you gave me this verse for this entire year. You spoke that to my heart very clearly. Thank you that you have divided up this scripture into what I don't want to be and what I do want to be........followed by the truth that our own heart will deceive us.
Thank you, that as I read verses 7-8, my soul felt like you were speaking of the confidence you have in me to serve you and that you have made me that tree. I just love you. I thank you that you even choose to use me for your glory! Thank you that I don't have to hide embarrassment from you or hide the fact that I struggle deeply at times with my thoughts. You know all of me and I am safe with you. Thank you. Amen.
TO MAINTAIN.......1/1/10
I do not have much time..........I spent the night here at my Aunt Chris and Uncle Scott's house. We have one last Christmas cousins party today and tomorrow we drive home to Texas. Anyway, I was feeling terrible yesterday with a head cold and though it was new years eve I could have cared less.
I am not a resolutions girl but do enjoy praising God for all the details in the past year. Like that weekend He told me to get away in my house without tv or any type of communication. Like the times Father has told me to go and do something that seems crazy but blesses me and the others in the end. Like the time He told me very firmly to "pivot" directions immediately..best thing I ever did! Like the weeks God was writing through me and I had to set aside things i needed to do or go to so that I could fulfill that job. You read it as it happened...you get the picture.....
I have been away from my home for about 10 days now. Traveling and being on the go with family can kind of take its toll on your alone time with God. He has FAITHFULLY given me moments alone to be with Him even if that meant sitting in the dining room while others are in the kitchen. But by last night I was thinking about how I could not wait for the ride home so that I could put my praise music in my ears and write/study for as long as I liked. Not even kidding when I say that my soul is just longing to get alone with Father. I read this last night...."Come let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD our Maker" Ps 95:6.............as I read that verse me body eased and I thought about how good it feels to bow down and kneel before the Lord. I just can't wait to be alone in my home and kneel. Oh the thought alone made me feel more rested.
Anyway, to the point of this post. I was not in the greatest of moods yesterday and by the time I got in bed...before 11 ha.....I was needing some scripture. I couldn't find my bible and figured I must have forgotten it at Daddy Bob's house. In the guest room, at my Aunt's, is a basket and there inside are a few old Journey daily devotionals that THE WOMEN IN MY FAMILY LOVE. We get them through Lifeway, it comes monthly and they are perfect for your morning time with the Lord.
So I picked up on that was from July 2008. Turned to the 31st and began to read.
Titled...WORRY, BE GONE!
Perfect, I thought.
And before I share the verse I know God has given me for this year.....let me just share that I have found this season of Christmas Joy to be delightful. However, I have had a few moments of embarrassment towards my singleness for the first time in my life. I have never EVER dealt with being embarrassed by explaining if i am married or not. But during a few family gatherings comments were made to me about being single "at my age" or "well you need to get married first" and "never marrying" and I honestly let doubt come in. For a second I entertained the idea that what they said was true. Because you trust the people you love. If they speak doubt about your situation then sometimes its hard to not see the doubt yourself. Before you know it, their words have sliced you in two pieces with God on one side and satan on another.
Now listen to me, this is not a pity party. I need you to know that up front. This is about MAINTAINING HOPE, MAINTAINING FAITH, MAINTAINING JOY, MAINTAINING TRUTH when even your closest circle of people are not maintaining with you.
This inner dialogue/war of thoughts was really going on in my head till I began to read this short devotional.
Top verse was.....Phil 4:5 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".
A favorite of mine that I know by heart. After I read this portion of scripture I knew instantly that whatever was on the pages below had been written just for me at this particular time in my life....even though it was over 2 years old.
It talked about worry and how it shows a lack of trust in God and His abilities to move. It also talked about how much time we waste and how much energy we throw away while we worry. These are all things we know from walking close with God....but sometimes we take our eyes off and forget.
And then I read THE verse. THE VERSES that were so thick with healing balm that after reading it multiple times by chest seemed so light! I have added verses to the beginning and the end because I think they speak just as loud as verses 7-8.
Jeremiah 17:5-10
This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
"But blessed is the man who
trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
"I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."
I am that tree.and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."
I am that tree. But at times I act like I am a bush in the wastelands! But God has made me that tree! I will not fear when heat comes......because the heat WILL come whether I like it or not. The heat being people's opinions, people's human ideas of how things should go, doubt, worry, or when my own heart want to deceive me. I am that tree that will have green leaves even in years of drought. I WILL STILL BEAR FRUIT. I WILL STILL GROW. I will still move forward and I WILL STILL DIE TO SELF SO THAT I CAN LIVE IN CHRIST!
I will not dwell in the desert of unbelief. Singleness is not that tragic. I will continue to speak of my singleness and in the darkness of night I will praise Father that He is ENOUGH for me. That our history together is long and I may get crazy in the head at times but I KNOW that I trust in Him....... I must flee from wanting to trust in man.
Father is my cool water when the heat around me is so thick I want to find a way out! He is my LIVING WATER! I am that tree and the promises of these verses bring such renewed strength in my current season that screaming..... " THIS IS MY STORY.....not your story.....my own God written story that may not always look pretty, sound enchanting, or be what you think it should be....but it is mine! He wrote MY name on it!"...... just doesn't do my heart justice.
I will not worry just because others worry. I will not pick up that burden. I will not worry because God has placed me by the still waters and He restores my soul........everyday......because His mercies are new each morning! I will continue to produce fruit of the Spirit because I need not worry if my needs will be met.......GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME!
And when evil lurks and my heart deceives me in the middle of the heat, in the drought, or in the harvest I will stay green with leaves of hope and bear fruit of joy for I bear your name Lord!
Jeremiah 17:5-10 is what I will pray daily for 2010 and in the midst of a lonely heart I will praise Him for the strength He gives me, the nurioushment that sustains me, and His Favor over me even when I feel I am in a drought! Because He is for me.....and He is worthy of my praise.
I know Lord. I know, I know, I know....this again. Why is it that my strength in you during some conversations seems to leave. I don't want that. Change in me what is not of you. Build me up in you so that I clearly say and believe that I am seeking first the kingdom of God, and your righteousness, and all these things will be added. "These things" being whatever the heck you want them to be. I am not like others Lord. You have called me to different things so please let others see that my life will not be the way they think it should be. I AM NOT AFRAID! Just because I am single does not mean I am forgotten. The silliness of that last statement makes me crazy, CRAZY! Maybe I am really bad at maintaining..........if I am not moving forward in trust during certain seasons then please teach me how to maintain in the mundane....cheesy Lord I know but teach me how to maintain my joy and hope while others around are asking a million questions and the heat is growing hotter. I know that you gave me this verse for this entire year. You spoke that to my heart very clearly. Thank you that you have divided up this scripture into what I don't want to be and what I do want to be........followed by the truth that our own heart will deceive us.
Thank you, that as I read verses 7-8, my soul felt like you were speaking of the confidence you have in me to serve you and that you have made me that tree. I just love you. I thank you that you even choose to use me for your glory! Thank you that I don't have to hide embarrassment from you or hide the fact that I struggle deeply at times with my thoughts. You know all of me and I am safe with you. Thank you. Amen.