LET THE REDEEMED OF THE LORD SAY SO.....

Because of my extreme need to be always transparent with you, with who I am and what God is doing in my life......I know that I must write this post before I post the one I thought I was posting today....or any other posts for that matter.

I could not figure out for the life of me why Father was dragging my post out. I had received a clear vision and scripture and was writing away....then came the road block.


I want to share what has been going on. I need you to know that I have not been ok spiritually since I got back from my vacation.......and I might dare to say that even before the cruise began. The end of May and early June is now a blur to me because so much was going on with school ending and trying to leave the next day for a trip. As much as I tried to maintain my time with the Lord, they were sometimes half hearted, distracted by all that needed to be done, and maybe still in quantity but the quality, on my part, was just terrible.


I had several good times alone with Him on the trip but at that point I knew that I was not up to par with what is acceptable and of great need in my own relationship with God. What He requires of me may be different than what He requires of you. That is what makes it personal. On top of not honoring God with my time...I have some how gained 10 pounds in the middle of it. I looked back in my journals and it was around early May that they began to build even though I was heavy in my exercise for my trip.


I share all this because for me....maybe not you....but for me the lack of quality time with God and the appearance of gained weight means that sin is extremely present in my life. See, I have to really watch my weight because I have a past of emotionally eating.........a past of a very deep stronghold of making food my Idol and was completely set free from that strong hold 3 years ago. From that, God created in me something so beautiful...a dependence so real and filled me up in such a marvelous way that when weight begins to start moving in any way.....I know I better hit my knees in prayer because there is something that I am CHOOSING to NOT TRUST ABOUT GOD....something I am choosing to not believe in that current stage of my walk.


The truth is that I am so thankful that He sets alarms, of every shape and size or subject, in us that go off LOUDLY when we are not completely focused on Father. When we are going right in one area of our life when He has said to go straight.


Gaining weight, terrible/distracted/half heart prayer time and bible study = sin


So the last two weeks I have been working through all this. Accepting the consequences of my lack of self control and lack of discipline. Grieving the distance that I set up between Him and I. A lot of time confessing sins and a lot of time of repentance. A lot of time speaking out loud to Father what I know about Him, what He means to me, who He is and what He can do, what I mean to Him and who I am in Him.


And you know what?.................I'm free. I AM FREE. and my God is not intimidated by the areas that I am so lacking in. He is completely SURE, CONFIDENT, FIRM in His ability to heal those areas of my sin, my broken places that I try to pick up every now and then, and will perfect in me all that He pleases.


These last two weeks have been crazy for me. But I think that a season...as short or long it may be.....of depravity turns into such sweet time of refocusing your heart, mind and soul on Christ. A season that you HATE being in, that makes you so disappointed in yourself, and so desperate for forgiveness...................always seems to bring such sweet joy in the end. My nature is not to worry....so when I am and putting food in my mouth the entire time I BETTER STOP......because that means I am not trusting God to take care of a matter I am putting my trust in myself and I eat because i know I am not capable of fixing whatever I am worrying about.


What makes me the most sad is that during the two weeks...last week of school and vacation......I missed out on God. Do you know what I mean? I crave Him. I love my time with Him and I love working for Him. I missed out on doing His will and blessing somebody else during those 2 weeks. I missed out on hearing from Him and learning from Him. He requires so much of my time and I flat out just made the choice to say no to Him.


So where am I right now. Well, I love God so much because He doesn't always just say..."that's ok, no problem" with our sin.......Most of the time He makes us work the thing out. Answering the hard questions like "Why were you not trusting me, and why did you think "this or that", and why did you put "this" before Me....why did you make food a false idol....did you feel empty when it was all said and done...."


Empty.....yes. And when you have walked and talked and hid in His wings then made the decision to just walked away.....you know what your missing. You know that He fills you up and you know that this empty feeling can only be removed by Him. That it is Father that makes my joy complete and Father that works through me to be disciplined and self controlled. Those two weeks were not me.........well they were the earthly me.....but not the me that God has made and created in His image.


So I have started over in some areas. God has been so tender to show me the real me without Him and IT IS UGLY! So ugly I don't even want to talk about it. The result is that I am in running mode and more hungry for Him and His Word than I have been in a while. More amazed by the little things around me that He is doing and more amazed that sin will always be around, always present but I don't have to ever SIT IN THE SIN. I am not stuck and I am moving forward at full speed ahead because I serve the ONE TRUE RESTORER OF ALL! and He is so faithful to do it!



Father, it is for freedom that you set me free....so I chose to not let myself be burdened again by the yoke of slavery with food, time, peoples behavior, control, or idols. I am free in You. I can not Praise you enough for how great your forgiveness is. How you clean instantly if only we would ask. I am overwhelmed that I get to serve you and that I don't have to carry all this on my own. You are worthy of all my thoughts and all my time. Thank you for refocusing my priorities. I don't want to look like this world, I don't want to live life this world...I want live for You. SO I SHOUT TO THE ROOF TOPS IN PRAISE THAT MY GOD CAN DO ANYTHING. THAT MY GOD LISTENS WHEN WE CRY OUT, FULL OF SHAME FROM MY SINS, AND HE LISTENS! HE WILL NOT TURN HIS BACK ON HIS CHILDREN! Father I praise you for making me with the need to just be honest. I praise you for making me not ok with hiding what is going on in me! Above all I want to bring you GLORY in every area of my life so continue to clean me out and clean me up so that I point others to you in ALL THINGS! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so...I'M REDEEMED, I'M REDEEMED PRAISE THE LORD!
I love you. Amen