27......a pursuit for holiness
7 months old
7 years old...the year I became a Christian...in this very outfit! Now, I have to say that was a great year that changed to whole course of my life!!!!
27 years old today
"Holiness means something more than the sweeping away of the
old leaves of sin; it means the life of Jesus
developed in us".
Lilias Trotter
Today is my 27 birthday. I woke up early this morning with one thought on my mind. HOLINESS...... God saying....."what is it that you long for Caroline? Look at each stage of your life and see my work, see what I am trying to create in you........what is it that you want for this next year of your life?????"
Hard question for me on this day. I want increased intimacy with God, I want Him to trust me with special work, I want increased wisdom and understanding about Him, I want even deeper conversation between us, I want a renewed hunger...something fresh for the word of GOD. I want a man...MAN.. that will pursue me, love me, marry me and spiritually lead me! I want a house full of babies, I want to find a church in Wax that he wants to use me in, I want to be able to lead my students in Christian leadership, I want to make lots of new friends in my new town, I I I I...me me me.......blah blah blah
That's all the true and raw thoughts that went through my mind while still in bed this morning. 27....really Lord? I thought it was funny the other day when Kelly mentioned on her blog about how we thought our lives would turn out. This current life is not what was in my mind. I wanted to be married by 25.........if it even took that long....ha and have 4 kids hahahahahhahhahhaha. I had the picture of being that grandmother (not to old) with lots of grand kids, red lips, white hair, and great jewelry!
I took a moment for the pity party and then began to look at each stage of my life. I never saw myself being someone that would be deeply in love with GOD growing up. Does that seem strange? I spent half my life with conversation in my heart between God and I that I thought made me weird. I later realized that even from the tender age of elementary school, He was working on me to be a woman after Him. He is so wonderful that way. The dream life for me as a young believer was to be a wife and mother.....but the dream never involved giving Father every area of my life. I didn't even really realize that it would be something that He required. I had no idea what being a LIVING SACRIFICE was. I just didn't get that being a Christian and truly following Christ meant giving up all plans and letting Him do the hard work! I didn't understand that the one decision that I made at 7 changed everything in my future. I was put on His great plan and time frame......and then given the choice of "will you trust ME and follow ME?"
Of course, God knows what is He doing.....ALWAYS! I would have been a terrible bride in my early 20's. Still selfish and not understanding what a wife really was. Not understanding that God would not let me be more intimate with someone more than Him! Not understanding that following Him with everything I have and being filled with the Holy Spirit in turn allows me to be a better wife to my husband...and mother to my children. I get it now. The Lord has spent the last 3 years of my life doing some hard teaching, disciplining, and cleaning me! Each year He makes me better and better. I had that moment of pity earlier this morning but then I see that He has created so much time for just He and I to really get to know each other. To teach me that it is He and only He that fills me up! To have to practice that truth and get it down before my life becomes more complicated with a husband and children. That is the GIFT! That is His birthday gift to me.....TIME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM! FATHER I PRAISE YOU WITH ALL THE VOLUME IN THIS VOICE THAT I HAVE! I AM SO OVERWHELMED WITH YOUR DESIRE TO BE WITH ME AND TO SHOW YOURSELF TO ME!
So this year.........HOLINESS...........that is what I want. The call to follow Christ!
Nancy Leigh DeMoss wrote about the portrait of Holiness.........Jesus. I wanted to share some of the specific requests that I am asking GOD to do through me or in me this next year........so that I may become my like Jesus.......
*live a life of total dependence on Father.
*fully surrender to the will of Father and to love the law of God and obey it continually.
*to have the supreme motivation to glorify God.
*to have more of a servant's heart and give of myself more to others
*allow God to speak through me more than my own words.
*speak more gracious words that minister to the needs of the hearer.
*live a life of praise and thankfulness
*continue to yield to the Holy Spirit so that I may be filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, and self-control.
bottom line...every year He is changing me! This time next year I don't want to look like this year............i trust that He will continue to change me for His glory...of that I am sure! Father, keep moving me forward, even when I am scared. Father protect me and my feet from those moments when my earthly flesh wants to take two steps back. I don't want to be the same a year from now. I want more of you and I want you to make me more! Discipline hurts Father, but the other side of that is such clear views of you, your word, and your plans for me. I want to be transformed by you! Thank you for another birthday and another day to seek you! Thank you for this very stage of my life...even when it is not the norm. Thank you that you want to make us holy!!!!!! Help me to continue to seek first your KINGDOM! I love you...LOVE YOU!
".....to make her holy.......and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
Eph 5:26-27